Sexual Predators
It’s Scary Being Stalked...
It’s a mistake to let the cyberstalking go until it becomes an offline stalking. But getting anyone to take you seriously can be hard. You’ll hear things like “Just turn off your computer,” “Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you,” and “It’s just words” from people who haven’t been the target of such an act, who don’t appreciate the fear and terror of being a victim of someone who is targeting you, someone who is trying to evoke fear.
As anyone who has ever been harassed online can tell you, cyberstalking is just as frightening as offline stalking. It can be more intimate, too, since the cyberstalker infiltrates your home through your computer. In most cases, the person cyberstalking your child is another child or teenager. It might also be someone your child provoked, looking to retaliate. But since most cyberstalking occurs in connection with sexual harassment or a rejected flirtation, cyberstalkers usually lose interest when they find out they are dealing with someone who is underage.
Pedophiles, who target underage victims, operate not by harassing or frightening their victims, but by seducing or tricking them. As more and more teens get involved with casual cybersex, they risk becoming more frequent targets of cyberstalking. And the percentage of teenage girls who engage in casual cybersex is increasing every day.
Most cyberstalkers prey on “newbies,” people who are inexperienced online. Any place where newbies hang out is a likely place to find a cyberstalker. They try to choose people they can terrorize, people who will react when their buttons are pushed. That’s what many cyberstalkers live for, watching their victims react in fear. It empowers them. Sometimes cyberstalkers have a vendetta. It might start as a flaming match that escalates into online harassment and cyberstalking. It can just as easily be directed at someone because of their religious or political beliefs or their racial or ethnic group. The victim may have done something innocently to set off the vendetta. Learning and following Netiquette may reduce the likelihood of this happening.
Most teens we surveyed have told us that they do things online they would never do in real life, and are often far less considerate of other’s feelings online than offline. They admitted to using vulgar language when they ordinarily would never use it, and to being rude when they are normally polite. Because of the lowered inhibitions most people experience online, many teenagers express themselves in a much more inflammatory manner than they would ever dream of using offline. While this might be a liberating experience for teenagers who are spreading their cyberwings, it can also provoke online harassment and cyberstalking.
We also need to realize that some cyberstalkers have nothing against the particular victim. Anyone will do. These types of cyberstalkers choose random targets usually to impress others with their power and online skills. This type of cyberstalking might result in hacking as well. Ignoring the cyberstalker usually works best. It’s not as much fun to provoke someone who ignores you.
Kelley, my cyberstalking expert friend, and the deputy executive director of WiredSafety.org, advises:
If your teen starts getting a lot of “unknown name/unknown number” phone calls, seems too anxious to answer the phone, or the opposite—doesn’t want anyone to answer it—or if she seems upset or moody after being online, she could be a stalking victim and may not even realize it. What often starts out as a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship can shift to a power struggle and the victim feels trapped and helpless. The victim struggles to get the relationship back “the way it was,” or just thinks that the boyfriend is jealous.
As a parent, you have the right and duty to protect your children. If you suspect your teen is being harassed or stalked online, talk to them about it. Often they blame themselves for it and won’t come to you first until the situation is out of hand. Assure them that it can be stopped. If necessary, pay to have your e-mail address changed to prevent contact from the offending party. If the harassment has moved to the telephone, you can change your phone number as well. If at any time any threats are made to your teen, contact the local authorities.
Don’t take the chance that it is just “kid stuff.” Teens are very trusting of other teens, but as parents we know that sometimes trust is misplaced—by all of us. Let them know that it’s not their fault, and that occasionally bad things happen to very good people.
